You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
