just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
