a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
