she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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