Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
