One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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