My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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