This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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