did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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