You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
