so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
