I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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