And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
