My first STD was from a foam party
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
