Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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