I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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