i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
