do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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