Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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