hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
