You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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