one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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