She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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