i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
