I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
