FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
sex in a hospital.. check
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
