you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
