Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
