why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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