I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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