i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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