I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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