I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
