just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
