we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
