he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
