dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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