11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
