I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
