Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
