She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he thought i was a dude.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
