I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
