I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
