you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have aggressive nipples.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
