good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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