Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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