fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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