Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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