I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
