Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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