pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
